


How Long Is The Ladder To Heaven?

by LadySeaSauvage



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Childbirth, F/M, Sad But Important
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-01-10 00:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12287208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySeaSauvage/pseuds/LadySeaSauvage
Summary: Jon and Sansa are cousins who fall in love and marry. They encounter may issues with raising a child with disabilities, but they have a loving and supportive family that gathers to help.I want to write a FF that deals with real issues. My hope is that this will have meaning for at least one person of the 7.6 billion on this planet. (World Clock Estimate 2017)





	1. Challenge The Gods

**Author's Note:**

  * For [General Crow](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=General+Crow).



Challenge The Gods

 

If this had been centuries ago, Sansa would have died. Baby Ned would never have survived either. Jon thanked the gods in front of the heart tree and cursed himself as well. 

If he only he hadn’t fallen in love with his first cousin. If only they had not married so soon.  If only she hadn’t gotten pregnant. The if onlys echoed in his mind, day and night. He could forgive Sansa. There was nothing to forgive. He refused to forgive himself.

Jon grew up on Dragonstone with his parents until he was 16. That was the year his father, Rhaegar died, when his Cessna plummeted into Blackwater Bay on his way to a meeting in Kings Landing. His mother, Lyanna Stark-Targaryen, missed the north and needed her family. She packed him up and went home, a widow.

Jon and Robb were away at Eastwatch Military Academy and Sansa was in middle school at St. Baelor’s School For Girls.  They only spent time together during school holidays. As time passed, Jon and Robb went to on university at the Citadel. 

They both decided to become barristers, so the two cousins went to Law School at the University of Westeros in Kings Landing. The law and politics ran in their blood. Uncle Ned was an Member of Parliament and Jon’s father had also been an MP. Had he lived, he might even have become Prime Minister of Westeros, Uncle Ned had explained.

None of this mattered now. Sansa, his wife of almost 2 years was battling for her life. She had lost so much blood during the delivery. Everything was going fine, until yesterday when Sansa fell. They had just moved into their new home and everything was unfamiliar. She had loved the idea of a grand staircase and Jon had indulged her. Sansa was almost full term when she careened down the full flight on stairs. Jon was at work and didn’t discover her until he returned home later in the evening. She had suffered a concussion trying to shield her stomach during the accident.

The doctors had decided on inducing labor, She tried and tried to push, but the baby had breached. There was no choice but an emergency C-section. Jon prayed to all the gods, the old and the new, to any deity who might be listening. Their united family stood by his side. Mom, Uncle Ned, Aunt Cat, and Robb held on to him for support. This was to be the first grandchild.

Baby Eddard was born blue due to oxygen deprivation. It could have been the accident, the breach position or the umbilical cord found wrapped around his neck when he was finally delivered. Jon didn’t even remember if he cut the cord. Actually, it must have been Robb, as he never left Sansa’s side. The baby was rushed immediately to the NICU, so they didn’t even look at him much less get the chance to hold him. Just a silent limp body in the doctor’s hands was all Jon remembered. 

Sansa had to live, he couldn’t live without her. Not since their first kiss, so many years before. They both realized their blood ties were too close. The Starks family had always been healthy, that wasn’t the point. So, when they found out she was pregnant, they opted for all the genetic counseling and had an amniocentesis done. That was scary enough at the time. Sansa bit her lip as the needle went into her stomach and Jon just wanted to throw up. He never let go of her hand. The farther the needle penetrated the tighter her grasp. He could never be weak for Sansa. She was his to protect. The baby showed no chromosomal abnormalities and it was a son.

And now this. An accident. Perhaps they were only fools daring to challenge the gods, even in this modern world. 

 


	2. Complication x 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Jon and Sansa begin to fall in love. Note: Jon is 4 years older than Sansa. Don't know if dates work that well. I just had to write it this way. This did not come out of nowhere....I'm trying to deal with real life issues in my other WIP Collageral Damage as well.
> 
> Flashback alert:2 different events in the past.
> 
> Enjoyable fluff.

 Complication x 1

 

He couldn’t help but fall in love with her. Sansa had come out to find him in the Godswood. Uncle Ned had suggested he go there to think through his anger. Why did his father have to die? He almost laughed. Why was he even angry. His father was rarely home anyway. Always absorbed in his position.

Jon was sitting on the bench, throwing pebbles into the dark pool of water that caught the reflection of the red leaves of the weirwood tree. He didn’t hear her approach. He saw her image floating on the water. Her red hair and the leaves like a halo around her face. Sansa laid her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. She came around and sat next to him on the bench, her toes scuffing the moss beneath her dainty shoes.

“Dad sent you out here to think. He believes in his old gods, you know.”

“I don’t think I believe in anything.”

“It’s ok to be unhappy. Your life got turned upside down and inside out.”

“It’s not unhappy, it’s more like confused. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I know that doesn’t sound right. But, my dad wasn’t around much. Not like Uncle Ned is with your family. I know I’m supposed to feel sad. It’s more like.... I feel like I’m letting my Mom down. What am I supposed to do for her?”

“Don’t worry,” she said with the sincere conviction of a 12 year old. “Uncle Rhaegar is in heaven. I don’t know where it is. I guess, I wasn’t paying attention that day. It’s just up there somewhere. Mom said it’s a good place. That’s where Grandpa Hoster and Grammie Minisa went. Grandfather Rickard and Grandmother Lyarra went there before any of us were born. It has to be ok.”

“I guess so.” he sighed “It doesn’t fix things, though.”

“Only being good fixes things. That’s what Septa Mordane said. She said there was a ladder to heaven. Every good thing you do is one step up, every bad thing you do is a step down the ladder.”

Jon laughed. “Then I must be at a bottom step of the ladder. Or maybe, I already fell off and don’t even know it.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong.” Sansa took Jon’s hand. She entwined her finger’s into his. “So hold on to my hand. I’m going to be good. I’ll take you with me up every step.”

From that moment forward, Jon always took the time to share his feelings with his Sansa. Deep conversations about everything and nothing. Every school holiday, summer evenings, and family vacations, he saved a few minutes to confide in her.

 

It was always simple until it got complicated.

 

The first time, it got complicated was Sansa’s Senior Prom. All the Stark women, even Arya, had gone all the way to Kings Landing to find that special dress. Jon remembered how she hung it on the front of her door that morning. She spent all day getting a mani-pedi and all the works. Late in the afternoon, she laid out all her new make up just to look at it. Jon and Robb had just finished out their semester and they were hanging around playing with Rickon and Bran. Jon remembered walking by her room after a heated soccer game and heard her sobbing.

“Sansa, what’s wrong. You aren’t worried about tonight. Did that Tyrell girl post something mean on Instagram?”

“No, nothing that easy. Joffrey just broke up with me by a text. Look.”

**Can’t do this anymore....bye**

“Oh, Sansa, that’s so not fair. That’s mean.”

“Now all this is for nothing.”She sobbed looking at the dress and make up.

“No, it’s not. You’re going to your Prom.”

“I can’t go alone. That would be all over Facebook, Instagram and Snap Chat.”

“You're not going alone. I’m your date. Will you be embarrassed to go to Prom with your cousin.”

“No, not with my handsome cousin, all the girls will totally drool over you.”

The theme of the Prom was Twilight. Sansa had read all the books and watched all the movies over and over. It was a girl thing. Star crossed love and teen angst. Jon would deal with anything to see her happy. He’d like to kick Joffrey's ass too. But, not tonight.

Of course, Jon had a tux. Black with grey cummerbund and black bow tie. He took off to get dressed. An hour later, under his mother’s supervision he was ready. He had even allowed her to tie his unruly curls back like Uncle Ned. 

When Sansa came down the stairs, she was a vision. Her midnight blue dress, her Tully blue eyes, and the blue roses that Aunt Cat had woven into her braids made her look like a fairytale princess. His mom had even made her a wristlet of blue roses. 

Lyanna kissed her son as she tucked the last blue rose into his lapel and whispered to him. “I’m so proud of you, Jon.”

“Go and have a good time, you two.” said Catelyn. “Jon, thank you for stepping up.”

“He’s the gentleman, I taught him to be.” smiled his mom. “I wouldn’t expect any less.”

“Joffrey doesn’t know what he’s missing. I’ll make sure Sansa has a good time.” added Jon.

“This is actually better than going with Joffrey. Joffrey is too flirty. Jon’s too shy to talk to all the girls.” Sansa joked. 

“I could if I wanted to, but this is your night. I’m even going to try and dance.”

The Prom was at the Winterfell Racquet Club. It was all decked out in twinkling lights and flowers like in the movies. Everything glittered. Above all, Sansa glittered. When they walked in, she took his arm and didn’t let go. They even posed for Prom pictures, like a real couple. Jon wanted her to have these memories and he wasn’t going to let that asshole Joffrey steal them from her or deprive her of a memorable evening.

They even danced together. Mostly to slower songs, where Jon could to the two step moves his mother taught him. Everything was fine, until near the end of the evening, when Joffrey walked in with Margery Tyrell. They both looked like they had gotten drunk and fucked in the car. It wasn’t pretty. Sansa flushed red and looked like she might cry.

“Don’t even look at him, don’t give him the satisfaction.”

“I guess, he realized that I wasn’t going to fall into his trap. He found another sucker..... and I mean sucker.”

“That would never be you. You are a real lady. Tonight you’re my girl.” Jon smirked knowing that Joffrey was looking at him and trying to figure out who he was.

Much to their surprise, Sansa and Jon were voted King and Queen of the Prom. They were both embarrassed, but rose to the occasion. Sansa was beaming. She was exquisite. 

“How could they pick anyone else. You look so beautiful.” Jon whispered as they walked onto the stage to receive their crowns. “I’m just along for the ride.”

The Prom Queen and King got to lead the last dance. Jon escorted Sansa to the center of the dance floor. Of course, it was the most romantic song from the Twilight movies, ‘A Thousand Years’. Sansa quietly sang the words as they danced amid the sparkling lights. Jon held Sansa’s hand to his heart. The world went away. Only Jon holding Sansa. Sansa curving into Jon. So close, so beautiful. He listened to her and suddenly it all made sense.

...I will not let anything take away what’s standing in front of me.....

Jon leaned in and kissed her gently as he held her closer than he knew he should. Sansa let him. She returned the kiss with the softest lips pressing against him even closer than she knew she should. For that moment,there was no one else in their universe as they gave in to feelings unspoken, yet urgent and real.

 

How did something so simple get so complicated?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is backstory for the main plot. It's very important to understand how deeply they are comitted to each other as a couple.


	3. Incidents and Accidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon waits and watches over Sansa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had plans for a different chapter. This is what came out. There is going to be a lot of anger to work through. It's a short chapter. There is more to come.

Jon had draped himself over the rail of Sansa’s bed just to wait and watch. Even with pain meds, she stirred fitfully. Jon never let go of her hand. She had a bruise from one of the IV’s. Jon traced it over and over with his thumb as if he could erase the pinkish red splotch. It’s edges were just starting to feather into a dark purple. 

“I’m here.” He soothed as Sansa’s eyelids fluttered. He didn’t want to wake her, but he selfishly wanted to look into her eyes for an answer. “I’m not going to let go. Ever.”

Jon was exhausted. It was now 2:00 pm. He had been going since 6:00 pm. How many hours is that he thought. He didn’t want to count them, to be honest.

He replayed the events of last night just to try to find a point he could understand. He had arrived home from work to find Sansa lying in a fetal position at the foot of her magnificent stairs in the front hall. He didn’t know how long she had been there. She was crying softly repeating his name over and over like a prayer. 

“Jon, come home, Jon, please, please, Jon find us, Jon.”

His briefcase fell to the floor as he ran to her. He wanted to cradle her in his arms, to lift her to him. No, something might be broken. He grasped her outstretched hand and gripped it tightly as he dialed 911, kneeling beside her. 

“I’m here baby, I’m here.” he repeated and listed to the ring, once, twice. On the third ring a voice. 

All he could do was recite his address and say “My wife, fell down the stairs, she’s so pregnant, help me please.”

Luckily, the front door was still open when the paramedics arrived. He refused to leave her and would have instructed them to break the door down rather than let go of her.

As they lifted Sansa onto the gurney, he noticed that her clothing was wet. Her water must have broken in the fall. Now, she was screaming, pulling away from the paramedic who tried to put an oxygen mask on her. She gripped his hand tighter. Her nails digging into his skin. It didn’t matter. He had sworn never to let go.

She kept screaming,“Jon, the baby, the baby!” and attempted to clutch at her stomach as they moved her every so carefully.

“Which hospital?” one of the men asked. Jon couldn’t think. 

“The closest one???”

“Sir, think, where is her OB/GYN?”

“I don’t know....fuck.... the classes.... Northlands Memorial.”

“Sir, let’s go. You can call your families in the ambulance.”

Next thing, they were in the ER and hooking Sansa up to every monitor. They were putting in more IV’s. Jon held on to her hand and the staff had to work around him, just as they had done at the house. He had texted and called his mother and Catelyn. Robb called him and he explained what he knew. They were all on their way.

The natural delivery attempts failed and the C-section was ordered. Sansa hemorrhaged. They had to sedate her to complete the procedure. Jon still gripped her hand. He didn’t care about anything at that moment except his Sansa. The baby. The baby was the cause of all of this.

How many nights had they sat on the couch with Jon’s hand on her belly counting his kicks. How they laughed when Baby Ned would just about karate kick her to death after pizza with olives, onions, and extra garlic. 

His mind found the clear memory of waking up in the middle of the night as Baby Ned kicked him in the back like a marching band. Sansa was uncomfortable and she had been in and out of bed five or six times. She was getting big and she threw her leg over his hip and pressed her belly against him as they spooned. She wanted to be on the outside so she wouldn’t disturb Jon as he slept. That was their first night in the new house. Was that only a month ago?

Now, he couldn’t leave her. Catelyn and Lyanna had gone to the NICU and Uncle Ned and Robb were taking turns sleeping in the two big chairs in the room. Right now they were both snoring. Every time, his eyes closed he shook himself awake. He looked at his sweet wife.  She would hate the way she looked. Her hair in a tangled braid and nails broken. She was almost smiling. Her breathing was calm and regular. He could hear her steady heartbeat from the monitor. Jon finally fell asleep against his own will.

He was falling. Falling fast. Falling off the ladder he and Sansa had been climbing. Her screams echoed in the black nothing. 

“Find my hand...hold my hand..... hold on tight.”

But her couldn’t find it. So he fell. Crashing to the pavement of someplace. Jon felt his glass heart shatter. Shard after shard piercing into his chest stinging. His heart broke until there was nothing left. Still he heard his heart beating. He felt his breath as he clutched his chest. Open your eyes, idiot..... open them. And he did. There was Sansa standing in her wedding dress holding her hand out to him. 

“Hold my hand, I’ll take you up every step with me.” she promised.


	4. Complication x 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More back story on how Jon and Sansa got together. How deep their relationship goes and how they define it.
> 
> Flashback!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come about the baby...just hang in there.

Loving each other was so simple. It was part of being a good cousin, Jon kept telling himself. He wanted to be her knight in shining armor, her defender. 

When Sansa came to the University of Kings Landing, he was forever rescuing her from freshmen experiences. The first time she got a big term paper, the first F on an exam which lead to the first time she got drunk, to the first time a guy tried to go too far without her consent. He gave that guy Harry a black eye and a broken and bloody nose.

Sansa depended on him in a way that was different from Robb. She felt that she could confide in Jon. They always had Friday night pizza and movies together. It was a family night as far as she was concerned, so the night Robb invited Shae, Sansa was livid. She went out the window and climbed up the fire escape to the roof. She refused to come down when Robb tried to apologize. So, Jon went up to join her. They sat up there, side by side, deep in conversation. 

“Do you know the Moon is in Libra?” she questioned looking at the sky through her constellation app.

“And that means?”

“You keep me in balance. Libra is the scales. Like the scales of justice and you’re almost a barrister. See.” She made him took through her iPhone at the sky to see the points of the constellation touching the Moon.

“I try to keep you out of trouble......of course, and happy too. If you aren’t happy, I’m not happy.”

“I’m happy now. Now, that you’re here. You know, you already belong to me.”

“I do?”

“Dad said I would marry someone brave, gentle and strong. And that’s you.”

“Me? How do you figure that?”

“You had to be brave to leave your home in Dragonstone and come up North to live with all of us crazy kids. You obviously are strong, the way you clocked Harry for me. Let’s see, gentle....easy.... the way you take care of me and never judge. You comfort my soul. Don’t you realize that?”

“It’s because you comfort mine too, Sansa. From the day when you were 12 and we talked in the Godswood. You promised me your help.”

Sansa snuggled closer to Jon and lay her head on his shoulder. The wind was blowing off the Bay and the mist coming in was chilly. Jon wrapped his arm protectively around her. She fit perfectly into the curve of him. This was so right. The rightness only made it more complicated. Was it OK to have these feelings for your cousin?

“I promised you my life that day and I have never regretted it.”

“I promise you my life this night, under the Moon in Libra. Let every planet and constellation know, I have fallen in love with you. From that very first moment you touched my shoulder, you have held my heart in your hand.”

“I know. I’ve always known. Remember the song from my Prom? I have loved you for a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more.”

This was probably the most right wrong thing he had ever done. Jon pulled Sansa up to face him. He looked straight into her eyes, looking for the permission he knew he already had. He kissed her. Not like a cousin. Like a lover. Running his hands through her hair, tracing the planes of her face. Memorizing the moment. 

“That wasn’t so complicated after all.” she smiled as if she had read his mind and then took his mouth to hers again.


	5. One Step Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to pick up where I left off. Sansa wants to know what has happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. Life and WORK gets in the way.

Catelyn and Lyanna had gone to the NICU to check on the baby. They both understood, having experienced difficult deliveries themselves. Lyanna’s delivery was so difficult she was only able to have Jon. Was it genetics or some kind of curse, he had wondered as he watched Sansa struggle to deliver their son. 

Sansa opened her eyes to find Jon asleep at her side. His hand was cradling hers. He looked so worn out, those awful dark shadows under his eyes, she thought. He had been up all night. From the other side of the room, she recognized the twin snoring of her father and Robb. Jon was always so quiet in sleep. Like now, his steady redeeming breath. The calm it always brought her. She reached down reflexively to pat her stomach. It was gone, well mostly. There was a slight lump and a lot of surgical dressings. The baby.....? She shook Jon awake.

“Where is Baby Ned?” she demanded. “Where did they take him? Is he ok? Where is he?” Now, she was on the verge of tears. “I don’t remember.”

Jon’s eyes flashed open and he realized that the meds had clouded her memory. Sansa was going to be pissed as all seven hells that she didn’t remember. He remembered every second all blurred together and not making sense. He remembered enough for both of them, he thought. Not the memories they had planned on.

“It’s ok, love. Our moms are in the NICU with him. They haven’t come back, so they must be fussing over him and stuff.” He soothed trying to sound convincing. Even convincing to himself. “Let me go out to the nurse’s station.....”

“No, don’t leave me.” She clutched his hand more tightly.

“I’ll go.” Said Ned from across the room. “I’ve already done this 5 times. I think I know what to do. I’ll be right back. I’ll also ask the nurse to come in and check on you. You were born in this hospital, my beautiful strong daughter.”

He got up, walked over to the bed, and gently kissed Sansa on the top of her head, then lay his hand on her cheek. He walked around the bed and grabbed Jon’s shoulder. 

“For a Targaryen, you’re a good Stark, son.”

“Thank you, Uncle Ned.” 

“It’s alright, son. It’s going to be alright.” he said as he walked out the door. They were both silent for a long moment, tears welling in Sansa’s eyes as her sense of frustration grew in her chest.

“Jon, I don’t remember.”

“I know you don’t. They had to sedate you.”

“That’s not what I wanted. That wasn’t the plan.” Her free hand slammed the pillow. It was too late though.

“My love,” he said, gently rubbing the bruise on her hand, “my brave amazing wife, none of this was part of our plan.”

“I wanted to....then you have to tell me.”

“Tell you? I don’t even know what to tell you. I just held your hand, watched you struggle to push.”

“I remember pushing and pushing. I was crying and couldn’t catch my breath. You never left my side though. I know that.” she said reaching up to touch Jon’s face. Sansa gasped when the sutures caught her attention.

“Wait, wait, love. You have sutures. You just had surgery. Lay back down carefully.”

“All I wanted was to have a baby, our baby. But, I don’t even know what happened. Tell me.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to tell you. So much was going on.”

“Last thing I remember was that I couldn’t breathe and push the way we learned in Lamaze. I felt like I let you down. I felt like I was letting everybody down. I heard you telling me to breathe and counting and the nurse or doctor, somebody counting.”

“You started to hyperventilate and they kept looking at the monitors and then back at us. Your Mom was there too. Do you remember her holding you up to help you push?”

“No. Not really.” Tears gathered in Sansa’s eyes. I guess, I thought that was you. Like in class.”

“It was your mom, she was the best. I just held your hand and counted. I couldn’t remember anything else we learned. I felt like I was losing my mind. I was afraid. It seemed like it was going so slowly and so quickly all at the same time. I couldn’t tell. Then the monitors started beeping. You lost consciousness. I felt you hand go limp. There was shouting or it seemed like shouting. They asked my permission to do a C-section. Your mother, yelled YES. All I could do was shake my head. They took you and all I remember was running down the hall after you, pushing people aside to get to you.”

“You were there when they delivered the baby? I wasn’t alone, please no...”

“You’re a Stark. Everyone was in that room. Your mom and dad, my mom and Robb. Robb, cut the cord. Then they took the baby to check him.” He couldn’t bring himself to tell her that the baby was blue and limp. Not blue, like color, blue like oxygen deprived, cyanotic, possible organ damage. Organs like the heart and brain.

When Ned returned he was smiling. He brought coffee for Jon and the still snoring Robb and a tea for Sansa. 

“The Grandmothers are coming. They’re bring Baby Ned. The nurse just called from the NICU.”

“Are you sure, I thought we were going down there.” Sansa said uncertainty then taking a sip of her tea in an effort to hide her nerves.

“Have you forgotten how persuasive your mother and your aunt can be?”

“I guess? I mean can he leave the NICU?”

“We brought the NICU with us.” announced Catelyn, as she and Lyanna guided a cumbersome incubator and accompanying nurses with monitors into the room.

“What a Stark woman wants, a Stark woman gets.” laughed Ned.

“Ha, the team of Catelyn and Lyanna are just unstoppable. And don’t you forget it. We are going to be the fiercest grandmothers ever.”

Jon frisbeed the lid of his coffee cup toward Robb’s head. He missed. Instead it hit him in the chest and landed in his lap. Robb could sleep through a tornado.

“Robb, your nephew is here. Get up." commanded Catelyn and his eyes flipped open immediately.

Ned handed him the coffee nonchalantly. “Your mother and aunt brought the baby up to Sansa. I believe, its time for the men to vacate. Woman stuff you know.”

“Umm.... I a.. don’t a.. know how to...” Sansa started in a shaky voice.

“That’s what we’re here for but, first everybody wash your hands so you can hold the baby.” ordered Catelyn with an air of confidence. 

Jon felt paralyzed. Then he heard a soft cry from inside the incubator. It was his baby after all. He realized that he didn’t even know what color hair he had or if he even had any hair at all. 

“Jon, please go wash your hands. I want you to hand him to me.” 

Jon hesitated. He was caught between his love for his wife, desiring to give her everything and the intruder, that almost cost her life. How could he feel this stab of hate for the being they had created out of love? He could not reconcile these feelings. That’s probably why he let Robb cut the cord, he realized. At that moment he had felt no joy. He chose Sansa over the baby. Now, he must own up to the decision they made together. Their baby was no mistake. And none of these events were the fault of this innocent. He looked at the incubator, then back at his wife. She was relying on his strength to pull them through.  Her apprehension was palpable as she tried to smile. Sansa’s song, ran through his head. Jon knew she was singing it to herself. ...one step closer.

Jon gathered himself up and turned to Sansa. “One step closer.” He told her. He kissed her bruised hand and and went to the sink to wash his his. He still had difficulty daring to look into the incubator, thought the baby’s heartbeat seemed to fill the room.

He took that step and then another until he was standing at the incubator. He was afraid to see all of the tubes. Instead, there was just a baby with only a pulse ox on his foot, a BP monitor and a cardiopulmonary patch attached to his tiny chest. The leads went out to the beeping monitors the nurses brought with them. There was no monster, only his son, wearing the dark grey warming cap that his mother had crocheted. True, he was small, but at 36 weeks, he was close to full term. He had pinked up, which meant he was breathing the way a baby was supposed to breathe. Jon knew he’d get the details later. Right now, he felt his life turn right side up for the first time in almost 20 hours. He had been waiting for this moment for almost 9 months. His mother was holding Baby Ned. She smiled that special Mom smile of hers and Jon took that final step toward her. He was trembling with anticipation, fear, joy, idiocy.

“Jon, my only son, let me give you your first son, my first grandson.” Lyanna whispered as she kissed Jon on the cheek and Baby Ned on the top of his head as she carefully laid the baby in his arms. “Now, bring him to your wife. You’re going to have to start taking her directions quite seriously.”

Jon walked slowly toward the bed. He was carrying the second most precious person in his life. He was so afraid. So filled with joy, he didn't actually want to let go. Sansa was getting impatient. He knew. She had never even seen the baby. The limp baby flashed in his mind and he was actually grateful that she had not witnessed that image. It would be in his mind forever, he was sure. Now he tucked it into a faraway place, like the black space below the ladder. He would never fall off again, he vowed.

“Jon, I want my son.”

“I’m having a moment of pure joy, if you don’t mind.”

“I want some of that joy, so you better start sharing.”

“You’re going to have plenty of pure joy at the 2 am diaper change.” joked Catelyn.

“Don’t worry, son. I’ll tell you all the secrets of the changing table.” laughed Lyanna.

“Eddard Stark Targaryen, I’d like you to meet your mommy, she is going to be the love of your life, just like she is the love of mine.” Jon gently placed the baby in Sansa’s waiting arms. Like a miracle, his eyes opened. Sky blue to her ocean blue eyes. And they fell in love at first sight.

**Author's Note:**

> I realize this part is scary, but life can be scary.


End file.
